Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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