why do cheetos always look like penises
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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