I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
