we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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