you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My penis needs a shock collar
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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