I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
