Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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