carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
