I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Say something about gay babies.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
