Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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