I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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