My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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