i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
