Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
