Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
