the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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