listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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