If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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