Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
