fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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