You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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