Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
