He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
