whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
