thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
