Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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