Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
