You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
