I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
