im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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