Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
