you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
