I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
