That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
