Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
