tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
