There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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