Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
