im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
