shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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