get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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