I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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