I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Found the puke drawer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
