Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
