He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
