I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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