Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had sex on a roof
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
