Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
