Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
