My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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