3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
