oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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