My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
