census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
