She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
