Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
