a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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