He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
