In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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