your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize