people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
