why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
