Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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