It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
