you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
