Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic