Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
