I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
