I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
