we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
