We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
