just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
