quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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