All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
