eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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