why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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