I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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