you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
