why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
