His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
