Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
