god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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